I hate drama

Life in Thailand has taken a dramatic turn from relaxing and carefree to hectic and emotional. While I assume now (3 months into exchange) is the time for most exchange students to to start missing home, I find myself not a single bit homesick, but rather, caught up in a very complex problem with Rotary and Thai culture. As I attempt to resolve the problem, many cultural environmental factors are weaving in and out of the situation and it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish between what my international exchange organization is, and what local Thai culture is. I must say, this situation has caused me quite a bit of stress, and has unfortunately revealed a side of Rotary that I did not know existed. Ultimately, I will not be able to turn to Thai Rotary if any future problems arise. Despite these problems, I want to restate how amazing these past 3 months have been. I truly adore Thailand and I believe that I will grow from this situation. Before I expand about what has been going on, I would like to express how much respect I have for Rotary and Rotarians around the world. I am experiencing problems- yes. However, problems are what make exchanges so valuable. It is from these problems that growth is attained. 

Now to recap on everything that has been going on-

From the beginning of my exchange an aspect of Thai culture became very clear to me- Thai people work a lot. It is part of their culture and it is very normal for both mother and father to work in the city all day long. It is very easy for exchange students to stay at home and become very lonely because everyone around them is so busy working. Jacqi (the other exchange student from USA) and I took it upon ourselves to make this year useful and dive into a life of health and fitness. Instead of staying at home we bought gym memberships and made our days productive by working out. Living 20-30 minutes from the city, I experienced hardships at the beginning of my year getting to and from the city- many times my host mom was gone in Bangkok and my host dad at work in different provinces. I did have a worker that doubled as the "driver," however due to the fact that he finished work at 5pm, trying to figure out a ride home was quite difficult.  I spent many days alone at the resort, biking, exploring the village, attempting to order food at the local restaurant. Even though many days I could do what I "wanted," I looked at it as a test of my patience and maturity. 

After the last orientation there was a definite change of heart with my host family and their feelings towards me. They stopped calling me, stopped asking me if there was sufficient food at the house, stopped caring for me, and stopped talking to me all together. There was a period of time that I did not see my host mother for a few weeks, and a period of time I did not see either of them for 8 days. I was stranded in the city on 2 separate occasions thinking they were in Ubon, only to call them and find they were out of the province. If there was some communication between us I think the situation would have been better, but the fact that they left without warning really made things difficult. I tried calling them to inquire about when they would come back, but many times they did what most Thais do- said "I don't know" and hung up. 

I was going to let this situation slide by and just wait until I moved to another host family, however, after my host mom casually mentioned to me that I may not be moving until February, I knew that I needed to talk about the situation with higher authority. I first tried to talk with my counselor on a local level, and he told me he knew my parents were very busy. So much for help. So then I went to the district chair, who told me to talk with another man, who told me to talk with the inbound coordinator, who told me that I will talk to the district chair at the next inbound trip to Phu Kradung National Park on November 11th. Though it was a week away, I decided I could go that long staying alone in the house. (have I ever mentioned that my host dad lives in a different house?). When Phu Kradung arrived I was extremely happy- Rotary would help me resolve the problem, I would be climbing a mountain with all my friends, and life would be GOOD! ... I hate to say it, but I was wrong. 

The first day I arrived (3.5 hours late might I add... Thai people don't worry about time), the district chair person did indeed pull me aside and ask me what my problem was. She was semi-familiar with my situation having asked her for advice at the past conferences. I told her everything about my situation and asked her if she could please find me a new host family. Though her words were soft and caring, the answer I received tore me apart- she insisted that I needed to adjust the situation and not think about the bad things about my host "family" (I really shouldn't say "family" because my host mom and host dad are from from it). She told me that I am not being relaxed, and I am over-thinking everything, and I need to "mai pen rai" (don't worry). I sadly nodded my head and the conversation ended. I could NOT BELIEVE that I had waited all that time just to hear her tell me to adjust. 

And so then the weekend from hell began. I LOVE to hike in the mountains. I think it is beautiful, I love the fresh air, and the green trees and nature- however that conversation with my district chair could not stray from my mind the entire trip. I kept on thinking about going back to that house that made me feel so unwelcome and like an item rather than a son. I kept on thinking about what I had done wrong, If I wasn't really adjusting, If this all was my fault! I felt so confused- if my situation wasn't a problem... then what WAS! 

The 5-6km climb up the mountain was physically strenuous. I enjoyed myself and tried to push my problems far away. I, along with 3 friends (Jacqi, Luis, and Riley), made it up the mountain first and after an additional 3km, enjoyed a Thai feast at the campgrounds we were staying at. As the night progressed many tired and moody exchange students began to discuss how their lives were going and to my dismay, the majority of them were very poor. Being alone, not being treated like a son or daughter, not having any freedom, and boredom were common themes among all exchange students. There also were SEVERAL complaints as to why the trip to a campground was so expensive (we paid 1,650USD for this trip and one other trip that is to come). As all of us know, Thailand is very very cheap- a nice hotel costs around $30 a night... we were sleeping on the floor in cabins, no hot water, no electricity, many bugs... and leeches EVERYWHERE. We also knew that in the past our district had problems with embezzlement... this fact, along with the problems that other students had with their host families, along with the "adventurous" conditions made everyone extremely emotional. Many students cried, others felt sick, and I needed to get the problem resolved. On the first night I ran down to where the Rotarian men were drinking and asked them with a raised voice where rotary was- I explained to them that we needed help! That many of us has serious problems and that they were not getting resolved. I asked them over and over "Where is Rotary!?" "Where is Rotary!?" They looked at me with confused faces. Aggravated I ran back to camp and gathered some students who were experiencing similar problems to me. We went down to where the Rotarians were and took a stand for ourselves. We told them- we need help, please help us! The chairwoman was already in her cabin, so I called her and asked her to please come down so we could resolve the issues. She asked me who I was, told me "tomorrow", and hung up the phone. I was without words. I could not believe that this AMAZING program that I experienced in USA and Germany pushed me aside when I was in need.

The following day I felt sick to my stomach. I threw up several times because I felt absolutely helpless. I felt like the people who are in charge of me, the people who I am supposed to trust and go to when I am in need, cannot help me. They send out all of their Outbounds from Thailand, and the families who are required to receive an inbound take them only because it is mandatory. Some families care for their students as they should- with love and joy, however, many of them do not care for their exchange student at all- they look upon the students as a burden. And this is not something new- just yesterday I was discussing this issue with a rebound who was in my district in Thailand 5 years ago and he told me it was exactly the same when he was there. Nothing has changed. 

On the last day we were on the mountain, the chairwoman took me aside, and told me she had noted that I was not acting very happy. I told her that I had not been feeling well from the situation. After hearing this, she scolded me for dwelling in my problems and told me that I would move host families soon. She continued to scold me and repeated that it is my own fault that I am unhappy. If I were to just forget the bad things I would be happy. And then she told me something that shocked me- "if you have any more problems with host families and cannot adjust, I will send you home."

Hearing those words devastated me. I felt completely betrayed. Here I was, coming to rotary with an issue that I, my friends, and other Rotarians from other clubs felt to be prevalent. And the help I get is- If you can't deal with it we will send you home. WOW. I am still shocked from those words. 

After climbing back down the mountain, seeing some beautiful waterfalls, and saying goodbye to some of the best people on the planet- I traveled by bus with many exchange students from the south to stay overnight at a hotel in Korat. The next day we were picked up by a Rotarian and taken back to Ubon. On the way home I called my host mom to tell her I would be arriving home that evening and she informed me that I would be changing host families the proceeding day. She said she was in Bangkok and cried for many days because she was not able to come to Ubon to say goodbye... I'm sure. She also told me how busy she was and how she can't take care of me... yes that's pretty obvious to me. 

My host dad picked me up that night, and after asking him for information about moving the next day he stared at me with a blank face and said he had no idea about me moving. The next day I packed my things, called jacqi (the exchange student also living with the counselor because her family didn't want her) and she told me I should come to their shop with my stuff. The drive took me there, I took out my stuff and that was it. It was a little bit strange because no one every TOLD me I was living in that house... but they just expected me to know I was staying there I guess.

It has been a few days since I arrived back from Phu Kradung and I am now living in a full house with my counselor and many other people.  A rebound student who lived there 5 years ago is visiting them at the moment and refers to the house as "the black hole." All of the exchange students who are not wanted, who have host parents who are too busy, or if there just isn't a host family for them will live in this house. It's basically an exchange student orphanage. I feel loved.

Strangely I am okay living in this house. My new "mama" and "papa" have had many many many exchange student and show me great kindness. They are very laid-back and know what they are doing. I hope that all of this drama will blow over and I can get back to a peaceful life in Thailand. This situation has scarred me, however, and it will take some time until I feel comfortable with my rotary club and my rotary district. Jacqi's first host family, and my first host family have kind of screwed up everything for the 4 exchange students in my town. There are now 3 host families and 4 students. I am currently living with the American exchange student Jacqi. I'm not sure if that follows rotary rules but that's Thailand for you.I have heard some new about me moving in with another exchange student who is a male, but I have no idea. I just feel like this isn't a real exchange, like I am just living in a house because there isn't room for me anywhere else. And there is no use talking with rotary about it because 1-I am living with my counselor and 2- I am not allowed to complain or else they will send me home. 

So that has been my life for the past few weeks- intense, complex, emotional. I'm really glad I don't have any homesickness or else I would be a wreck. The truth is, I really enjoy Thailand immensely. I believe it is a fantastic place to visit and experience. As far as living here, or studying here- I would strongly advise against it. Regardless I am here to learn. This year is not just fun and games- I must endure the tough times, grow, and in the end come out a stronger and more mature individual who can take on any of life's challenges.

No worries everyone! I am doing very well. Until next time! Much love from Thailand! 

PS- next post read all about my trip to the beaches of Pattaya where we (the exchange students) will be helping flood victims from Bangkok.